We experience anger when our unrealistic demands, conceptualized in our minds as “should” or “must,” are not met. Examples include, “I should work harder,” “People should treat me fairly,” “You must do what I tell you to do,” “I shouldn’t be angry,” etc. “Should” and “must” thinking arises from either moralistic rules or perfectionistic demands that we hold ourselves and others to. Irrational should statements rest on one's assumption that one is entitled to instant gratification. However, life being what it is, does not respect your “shoulds” or “musts.” Moreover, there is no law that says we should get what we want, any more than other people always get what they want. How do you handle the “shoulds”? 1. Eliminate the words “should” and “must” when talking about expectations and replace them with “I hope,” or “I wish,” or “I prefer.” For example, “I wish things were different,” “I hope I can do well, but I can tolerate not being perfect,” “I wish things were different,”
Written by a board-certified psychiatrist and an expert on self-management of depression, Harpreet Duggal, MD, this blog focuses on practical and proven methods of treating depression that go beyond medications and traditional therapy. It discusses elements of healthy lifestyle, positive psychology, relationships, values, strengths, communication, and wellness. No AI-assisted technology has been used in this blog. The content of the blog is not to be construed as treatment advice.