Self-Management of Depression

We experience anger when our unrealistic demands, conceptualized in our minds as “should” or “must,” are unmet. Examples include, “I should work harder,” “People should treat me fairly,” “You must do what I tell you to do,” “I shouldn’t be angry,” etc. “Should” and “must” thinking arises from moralistic rules or perfectionistic demands to which we hold ourselves and others. Irrational should statements rest on one's assumption that one is entitled to instant gratification. However, being what it is, life does not respect your “shoulds” or “musts.” Moreover, no law says we should get what we want, any more than other people always get what they want. How do you handle the “shoulds”? 1. Eliminate the words “should” and “must” when talking about expectations and replace them with “I hope,” or “I wish,” or “I prefer.” For example, “I wish things were different,” “I hope I can do well, but I can tolerate not being perfect,” “I wish things were different,” etc. In contrast to a ...