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Showing posts with the label marital counseling

The Do's and Don'ts of Communicating with Your Partner

Improving communication is a proven intervention for improving relationships and entails not only learning how to address negative issues in a relationship but also how to consistently express positive feelings to each other. When you communicate, you are doing one of three things: 1. Speaking: Sending a message or sharing your thoughts or feelings. 2. Listening: Hearing and paying attention to what the other person is telling you. 3. Responding: Replying or answering back to your partner after listening to them. Failure to communicate can stem from a problem in any or all of these communication processes. Below are some guidelines to improve your communication skills (Duggal, 2018): Improving Speaking Skills  Establish and maintain eye contact with your partner to ensure they know you're paying attention. Speak in a clear and direct fashion. Don’t beat around the bush and play games. Make sure that what you are communicating is in line with your non-verbal communica...

The “ABCDE” Behaviors that Derail Relationships When You are Feeling Depressed

The acronym “ABCDE” refers to certain types of communication behaviors that increase conflict and marital/intimate relationship distress. These behaviors get heightened when one is depressed, as depression rekindles negative, irrational thought patterns such as all-or-none thinking, overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, blowing things out of proportion, taking things personally, disqualifying positives, and negatively labeling oneself or others. Here's what you need to avoid during communication with your partner (Beach et al., 1998; Christensen et al., 2014; Starr & Davila, 2008): A ccusation:  Accusations usually are “You always …” or “You never…” statements. Accusations may have some kernel of truth in them, but that gets exaggerated and dramatized by the heat of the argument. Accusations lead to counteraccusations and defensiveness, taking the focus away from one’s own shortcomings and from resolving the conflict at hand. B lame:  Individuals may b...