Self-Management of Depression

If you have felt the urge to offer someone an opinion or solution even when one is not solicited, you have been giving in to what is called the righting reflex—the desire to fix what seems wrong with people and to set them promptly on a better course (Miller & Rollnick, 2013). Though natural and well-intentioned, this urge to fix someone else's problems can significantly damage interpersonal relationships by causing resistance, defensiveness, and resentment. It often hinders effective communication and prevents the other person from finding their own solutions. How the righting reflex negatively affects relationships Creates resistance and defensiveness: When you jump in to fix a problem, the other person can feel like you are criticizing their judgment or ability to handle their own issues. This can lead them to argue against your suggestions or defend their current choices, creating an unproductive conflict. Shifts the dynamic to a parent-child relationship: This behavior po...

Although empathy has increasingly become a buzzword in the modern wellness and leadership lexicon, it is more than just a fad. Empathy is the ability or capacity to identify or vicariously experience the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others. Phrases such as “walking in another person’s shoes” or “seeing the world through the eyes of another person” epitomize the concept of empathy. Being able to pick up on emotional nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice and facial expressions, is at the heart of empathy. In addition to reading another’s emotions, at higher levels, empathy also entails sensing and responding to a person’s unspoken concerns or feelings and also understanding the issues or concerns that lie behind those feelings (Goleman, 1998). Empathic people – are attentive to emotional cues and listen well. show sensitivity and understand others’ perspectives. help others by understanding their needs and feelings. Empathy is not a single, discrete emotion, but a constellation of...

Self-compassion is compassion turned inwards, i.e., how you relate to yourself in instances of perceived failure, inadequacy, or personal suffering. Self-compassion involves being touched by and open to your own suffering, not avoiding or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate your suffering, and to heal yourself with kindness (Neff, 2003). While much has been written in the popular media about strategies, including  well-known meditation exercises such as  loving-kindness meditation , to enhance self-compassion, the attributes that foster it  haven't received much attention. Self-compassion is not a one-size-fits-all intervention that will work for everyone, which is why knowledge of these attributes will help you decide if this can be an effective strategy for you. Paul Gilbert and colleagues, leading researchers in the field of self-compassion, have identified the following attributes as being quintessential to experiencing self-compassion (Gilbert, ...

Popular social media posts and self-help books extol the benefits of correctly naming our emotions, reproducing a lengthy menu of emotional labels to choose from. This is a good exercise in cultivating emotional intelligence through self-awareness. In this context, expressive writing is a simple and proven tool that expands on this facet of self-awareness to use writing as a tool to regulate emotions. Expressive writing involves engaging in deep and meaningful writing about a stressful life event or trauma (Pennebaker & Seagal, 1999). It is hypothesized that the act of converting emotions and images into words changes the way a person thinks and organizes about a stressful situation. By integrating thoughts and feelings related to the stress or trauma, an individual then can develop a more coherent narrative of the experience.  The instructions for expressive writing are as under (Gortner et al., 2006):      “For the next 3 days, write about your very deepest tho...

What are Hot Buttons? We hear a lot about the importance of emotional intelligence in personal and work life. However, tangible and easy-to-use strategies to cultivate emotional intelligence without psychobabble are hard to find. One simple strategy to increase awareness of your and others’ emotions, a key component of emotional intelligence, is identifying your hot buttons (Lynn, 2007). This technique is useful in gauging your reactions during an emotionally charged or high-stress situation and makes you aware that there may be other ways of reacting to a situation rather than the usual fight-or-flight response. Hot buttons are events, words, phrases, situations, or a combination of these things that set off an immediate and intense negative emotion in you. People may not be intentionally trying to push these buttons, but your defensive reaction may drive them away. Thus, recognizing these hot buttons and not letting yourself give into these will help you maintain healthy interperson...

Anger is a normal emotion that we all experience in our daily lives. Not all anger is bad; it can help you focus on self-defense, mastery, and control, especially when you perceive that your goals are being blocked (Linehan, 2015). But anger can also become problematic if it is disproportionate to the triggering situation, leads to aggression or destruction, or occurs too frequently. People differ in how they express anger. What may make one individual angry may not be perceived as anger-provoking by another individual. In Aristotle's words, which ring true even today, "Anybody can become angry-that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way-that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."  While it may not always be possible to predict when one may get angry, trying to understand the reasons behind this variation in the expression of anger would help one become mor...

Emotional intelligence has become a modern-day buzzword. Academics, self-help coaches, and management pundits have written millions of words and filled hours of airtime explaining the meaning and importance of emotional intelligence. But when it comes to enhancing this trait, one is left with the arduous task of sifting through a mountain of psychobabble to tease out pragmatic, easy-to-use, and workable strategies.  So, what is emotional intelligence? In psychological terms, it is one’s ability to engage in sophisticated information processing about one’s own and others’ emotions and the ability to use this information as a guide to thinking and behavior (Mayer et al., 2008). In plain English, it means using your emotions intentionally and intelligently to improve your well-being. Emotional intelligence increases with age and experience. Research shows that people with high emotional intelligence are likely to be more socially competent, have better quality relationships, and are v...