Head, Heart and Beyond: The 3 Kinds of Empathy

Although empathy has increasingly become a buzzword in the modern wellness and leadership lexicon, it is more than just a fad. Empathy is the ability or capacity to identify or vicariously experience the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others. Phrases such as “walking in another person’s shoes” or “seeing the world through the eyes of another person” epitomize the concept of empathy. Being able to pick up on emotional nonverbal cues, such as tone of voice and facial expressions, is at the heart of empathy. In addition to reading another’s emotions, at higher levels, empathy also entails sensing and responding to a person’s unspoken concerns or feelings and also understanding the issues or concerns that lie behind those feelings (Goleman, 1998). Empathic people –

• are attentive to emotional cues and listen well.
• show sensitivity and understand others’ perspectives.
• help others by understanding their needs and feelings.

Empathy is not a single, discrete emotion, but a constellation of feelings – sympathy, compassion, soft-heartedness, tenderness, sorrow, sadness, being upset or feeling distressed, feelings of concern or grief (Batson et al., 2009). These emotions are for another person. And not all empathic experiences look and feel the same. Researchers have described three broad categories of empathy.

1. Cognitive empathy: Cognitive empathy is a purely intellectual ability to recognize and understand another’s feelings in the context of that person’s perspective. Rather than simulating the other’s emotional state, cognitive empathy relies on more deliberate attempts to reason about others’ mental state. This type of empathy helps us understand others' intentions, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we can resonate with their feelings. Cognitive empathy is empathy at its very basic.

2. Emotional or affective empathy: Emotional empathy is the instinctive and automatic emotional reaction that mirrors another’s emotional state. This type of empathy involves attuning to another’s emotions without trying to understand deeply their perspective and connecting on a heart or feelings level. For example, seeing someone in distress may trigger similar feelings in the perceiver, helping them relate to the other person’s experience and respond appropriately.

3. Compassionate empathy: Compassionate empathy combines cognitive and emotional empathy to take action with a desire to help or comfort someone. This is considered the most desirable kind of empathy.

We all have encountered these three levels of empathy at some point in our lives. However, we may default to one kind of empathy, which can harm our well-being or our relationships. Cognitive empathy is useful when you are in problem-solving mode and don’t want your emotions to influence your decisions. The trade-off is that you may appear emotionally tone deaf or pseudoempathic (e.g., an " I’m sorry statement followed by concrete advice). Another downside of overusing cognitive empathy is the potential to overinterpret others’ intentions to fit your own biased perceptions, leading to distrust and conflict. Emotional empathy fosters interpersonal relationships but can cause “empathy distress.” The latter occurs when a highly empathic individual witnesses others’ negative moods but lacks the wherewithal to regulate their own emotional distress (Goleman, 1998). At work, this manifests as burnout. In a similar vein, compassionate empathy can turn into compassion fatigue, leading to burnout and a loss of the ability to empathize. Healthcare and mental health professionals are especially vulnerable to this.

If you want to go beyond cognitive empathy or cultivate your emotional and compassionate empathy skills, the key is to enhance your self-awareness. Self-awareness is a prerequisite for empathy, and without the ability to sense your own feelings, you will be hopelessly out of touch with others' moods (Goleman, 1998). Questions that will provide you with insights into the impact of your words and behavior include the following (Brooks & Goldstein, 2003):

• “How do I hope other people would describe me?”
• “How would these people actually describe me?”
• “Is there a significant discrepancy between how I hope people would describe me and how they actually would describe me?”
• “If there is a discrepancy, how can I change my attitudes and behaviors so that others will begin to describe me in the way I would like to be described?”
• “What am I hoping to accomplish in the things I say or do?”
• “Am I saying or doing things in a way that others will be most willing to listen and respond to me?”
• “Am I behaving toward others in the same way that I would like to be treated?”

Empathy is not a one-size-fits-all wellness tool. Each type of empathy serves a useful purpose, and wisdom lies in striking a balance between the three types of empathy.

To learn more about evidence-based self-management techniques that promote mental health and well-being, check out Dr. Duggal's Author Page.

HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA

REFERENCES

Batson, C. D., Ahmad, N., & Lishner, D. A. (2009). Empathy and altruism. In S. J. Lopez & C. R. Snyder (Eds.), The oxford handbook of positive psychology (2nd ed.) (pp. 417-426). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Brooks, R., & Goldstein, S. (2003). The power of resilience. New York, NY: McGraw Hill.

Goleman, D. (1998). Working with emotional intelligence. New York, NY: Bantam Dell.