Psychotherapist Russ Harris describes values as our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves. They are what we want to stand for in life, how we want to behave, what sort of person we want to be, and what sort of strengths and qualities we want to develop (Harris, 2009). Values are subjective; what one may consider a value (e.g., being famous) may be considered as being cocky by another person. Moreover, values do change with time. For instance, you may value social popularity and raising a family in your early years, maintaining good health, and giving back to the community later in your life. Success depression results when your accomplishments are out of sync with your core values, mostly because you have held on to your values too doggedly despite a change in your circumstances.
Compared with thoughts and behaviors, values provide a far more stable compass for motivating you to achieve your goals, even when faced with personal adversity (Hayes et al., 2012). The next exercise, called “What Do You Want Your Life to Stand For?” will help you be in touch with your values (Hayes et al., 2012):
"Take a few deep breaths, relax, and close your eyes. Imagine that through some twist of fate, you have died, but you are able to attend your funeral in spirit. You are watching and listening to the eulogies offered by your spouse, children, and friends. Try to be emotionally present in the situation. Now, visualize what you would like these people who were part of your life to remember you for. What would you like your spouse to say about you as a partner? What would you like your children to say about you as a parent? What would you like your friends to say about you as a friend? Make a mental note of the things these people say."
This exercise gives you an insight into your values – what really matters in your life. Also, this exercise helps you reconsider the importance of minor goals in your daily life that you may be taking for granted. Another variant of the above exercise is to imagine that you can write anything on your tombstone that says what you stood for in your life. What would you like your tombstone to say, if it could be absolutely anything?
Value-focused exercises also make you aware of the discrepancies between what you are pursuing in your life at present and what you really want your life to stand for. This discrepancy creates the drive and motivation to pursue goals that are more aligned with your values. Research suggests that goals that are self-concordant, i.e., aligned with one’s values, lead to the greatest enhancement of well-being (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999).
Besides these value-focused exercises, below are some additional questions that you may ask yourself to evaluate your values (Miller & Rollnick, 2013):
HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA
Grant, A. M., & Greene, J. (2001). Coach yourself: Make real change in your life. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Publishing.
Harris, R. (2009). ACT made simple. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change. (2nd ed.). New York, NY: The Guildford Press.
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change (3rd ed.). New York, NY: The Guilford Press.
Ryan, R. M., Sheldon, K. M., Kasser, T., & Deci, E. L. (1996). All goals are not created equal: an organismic perspective on the nature of goals and their regulation. In P. M. Gollwitzer & J. A. Bargh (Eds.), The psychology of action: Linking cognition and motivation to behavior (pp. 7-25). New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: the self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482-497.
Zettle, R. D. (2007). ACT for depression. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Besides these value-focused exercises, below are some additional questions that you may ask yourself to evaluate your values (Miller & Rollnick, 2013):
- “What do I care most about in life?”
- “What matters most to me?
- “How do I hope my life will be different a few years from now?”
- “What are the rules I live by?”
- “If I were to write a mission statement for my life, describing my goals or purpose in life, what would I write?”
- “If I were to ask my closest friends to tell me what I would live for, what matters most to me, what do I think they would say?”
- Accomplishment
- Accuracy
- Adventure
- Authenticity
- Collaboration
- Community
- Comradeship
- Courage
- Creativity
- Empowerment
- Excellence
- Focus
- Freedom to choose
- Generosity
- Giving
- Growth
- Harmony
- Honesty
- Humor
- Independence
- Integrity
- Interdependence
- Joy
- Lightness
- Love
- Nurturing
- Order
- Participation
- Peace
- Personal Power
- Recognition
- Reward
- Respect
- Self-actualization
- Success
- Zest
It is crucial that you identify values at your core rather than those designed to please or appease others, or influenced by social desirability or political correctness. In terms of psychological growth and well-being, the three essential needs that nurture and promote the growth of the human psyche are autonomy, competence, and relatedness (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999). Value-based goals that satisfy these three intrinsic psychological needs are more predictive of well-being and are associated with lower levels of depression (Ryan et al., 1996).
The next time you feel empty inside despite all the successes, you may want to do some soul-searching and ask yourself if you are living a value-driven life. You may have climbed the ladder of success, but that ladder may have been propped against the wrong wall.
To learn more about evidence-based self-management techniques that are proven to work for depression, check out Dr. Duggal's Author Page.
The next time you feel empty inside despite all the successes, you may want to do some soul-searching and ask yourself if you are living a value-driven life. You may have climbed the ladder of success, but that ladder may have been propped against the wrong wall.
To learn more about evidence-based self-management techniques that are proven to work for depression, check out Dr. Duggal's Author Page.
HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA
REFERENCES
Grant, A. M., & Greene, J. (2001). Coach yourself: Make real change in your life. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Publishing. Harris, R. (2009). ACT made simple. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change. (2nd ed.). New York, NY: The Guildford Press.
Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change (3rd ed.). New York, NY: The Guilford Press.
Ryan, R. M., Sheldon, K. M., Kasser, T., & Deci, E. L. (1996). All goals are not created equal: an organismic perspective on the nature of goals and their regulation. In P. M. Gollwitzer & J. A. Bargh (Eds.), The psychology of action: Linking cognition and motivation to behavior (pp. 7-25). New York, NY: Guilford Press.
Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: the self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482-497.
Zettle, R. D. (2007). ACT for depression. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
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