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What are Your Hot Buttons?


What are Hot Buttons?

We hear a lot about the importance of emotional intelligence in personal and work life. However, tangible and easy-to-use strategies to cultivate emotional intelligence without psychobabble are hard to find. One simple strategy to increase awareness of your and others’ emotions, a key component of emotional intelligence, is identifying your hot buttons (Lynn, 2007). This technique is useful in gauging your reactions during an emotionally charged or high-stress situation and makes you aware that there may be other ways of reacting to a situation rather than the usual fight-or-flight response. Hot buttons are events, words, phrases, situations, or a combination of these things that set off an immediate and intense negative emotion in you. People may not be intentionally trying to push these buttons, but your defensive reaction may drive them away. Thus, recognizing these hot buttons and not letting yourself give into these will help you maintain healthy interpersonal relationships.

Identify Your Hot Buttons

You can identify your hot buttons by completing these unfinished sentences (Lynn, 2007):
  • I don’t like it when people …
  • I feel offended when people …
  • I get irritated when people …
  • It makes me angry when people say …
  • If people would only …
  • At work, I wish people would …
  • My work would be a better place if people would stop …
  • My home would be a better place if my spouse (or kids) would stop …
  • It drives me crazy when …
  • I think it’s rude to …
If a particular family member or co-worker is more likely to push your hot buttons, you can replace the word “people” in the above statements with this person’s name.

Analyze Your Hot Buttons

Having identified your hot buttons, ask yourself the following questions:
  1. “When are these hot buttons more likely to set off a negative emotional reaction?” “Is it when I am already feeling irritable (or frustrated, or sad, or lonely), then I am more likely to respond negatively to my hot buttons?”
  2. “What is the impact of my emotional and behavioral reaction to my hot buttons on other people?”
  3. "Are the themes underlying my hot buttons based on my faulty assumptions?" (e.g., people should act a certain way, or I should be treated a certain way). "Can I change my assumptions?"
  4. "Are my hot buttons reflective of my values conflicting with others?" "If so, can I accept that people will have values different from mine?" "If not, then do I part ways with these people, especially if these are core values that I cannot change?" (the latter is usually the case when core values such as respect, honesty, integrity, humility, kindness, etc. are in conflict).
  5. “Is someone, who knows what my hot buttons are, using this knowledge to negatively impact me?” If so, then this person is most likely manipulating your emotions to their advantage. It's time to move on.
In sum, there are easy and practical ways to cultivate one's emotional intelligence and identifying your hot buttons is a good place to start.

To learn more about evidence-based self-management techniques that promote mental health and well-being, check out Dr. Duggal's Author Page.

HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA

REFERENCES

Lynn, A. B. (2007). Quick emotional intelligence activities for busy managers. New York, NY: American Management Association.







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