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9 Attributes of Self-Compassion


Self-compassion is compassion turned inwards, i.e., how you relate to yourself in instances of perceived failure, inadequacy, or personal suffering. Self-compassion involves being touched by and open to your own suffering, not avoiding or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate your suffering, and to heal yourself with kindness (Neff, 2003). While much has been written in the popular media about strategies, including some well-known meditation exercises such as the loving kindness meditation, to enhance self-compassion, the attributes that foster self-compassion haven't received much attention. Self-compassion is not a one-size-fits-all intervention that will work for everyone, which is why knowledge of these attributes will help you decide if this can be an effective strategy for you. Paul Gilbert and colleagues, leading researchers in the field of self-compassion, have identified the following attributes as being quintessential to experiencing self-compassion (Gilbert, 2009; Gilbert & Procter, 2006):
  1. Care for well-being: You are motivated to alleviate distress and facilitate your growth.
  2. Sensitivity: You are sensitive to your needs and signals of distress.
  3. Valuing compassion: You value compassion as an attitude that makes you stronger and confident rather than weaker.
  4. Self-empathy: You can stand back from and understand your own thoughts and feelings.
  5. Sympathy: You can learn to be sad without being depressed, e.g., without telling yourself that there is something wrong or bad about feeling sad.
  6. Forgiveness: Forgiveness allows you to be open to and learn from your mistakes.
  7. Non-judgment: You don’t condemn, criticize, shame, or reject thoughts or feelings. However, being non-judgmental doesn’t mean that you don’t have preferences.
  8. Distress tolerance: You can contain, stay with, and tolerate complex and high levels of emotion, rather than avoid, fearfully divert from, close down, contradict, invalidate, or deny them.
  9. Taking responsibility: You take responsibility for recognizing your self-critical thinking and use your compassionate side to provide alternative views and feelings.
Self-compassion arises when you can use these competencies to develop genuine concern for your well-being. If you haven't benefitted from self-compassion interventions, do some self-reflection to determine if you need to work on one or more of these attributes first. Drawing upon compassionate memories during self-compassionate exercises can be uncomfortable for people with a history of trauma, a high level of shame, or those who are highly self-critical. Seeking one-on-one psychotherapy would be more appropriate for these individuals.

To learn more about evidence-based self-management techniques that promote mental health and well-being, check out Dr. Duggal's Author Page.

HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA

REFERENCES

Gilbert, P (2009). Introducing compassion-focused therapy. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 15, 199-208.

Gilbert, P., & Procter, S. (2006). Compassionate mind training for people with high shame and self-criticism: overview and pilot study of a group therapy approach. Clinical Psychology and Psychotherapy, 13, 353-379.

Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: an alternative conceptualization of healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2, 85-101.









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