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Kindness: A Proven Path to Happiness





Kindness is an investment in social relationships that will yield you high dividends. Research shows that genuine acts of kindness, even when they are unpleasant or when one doesn’t expect anything in return, make the doer happy (Lyubomirsky, 2007). The relationship between kindness and happiness is not merely correlational (happier people by nature may be kinder or vice versa) but causal. Simply put, acts of kindness do make people happier (Curry et al., 2018). When you get recognition through smiles, thankfulness, and friendship for your acts of kindness, it helps satisfy a basic human need to connect with others. When doing something for your partner, you sometimes, either consciously or unconsciously, want something from them – “I cleaned the garage; she should clean the bathroom.” Rather than keeping a mental score of your and your partner’s good deeds, remember that giving is its own reward. This reward is the feeling of happiness and contentment you receive in knowing that you have participated in an act of kindness. Research has found that performing acts of kindness takes attention away from oneself and onto the needs of others. This, in turn, reduces chronic preoccupation with one's own suffering and fosters social connection - both promoters of happiness (Cregg & Cheavens, 2023). 

An exercise to help you assess how an act of kindness compares with something you do just for yourself is described next (Paquette, 2015; Peterson, 2006).

Over the next week, choose one activity that is purely for your own personal pleasure (fun) and one that is for the benefit of another individual (philanthropy). Ensure that these two activities involve roughly the same time and effort. Answer the following questions after having completed both the activities:
  • What difference did you notice in terms of how these activities made you feel?
  • Did either activity seem to have a longer or more potent effect?
Most individuals who do this fun versus philanthropy exercise find fun to be a fleeting pleasure, in contrast to philanthropy, which lingers and is also associated with long-term fulfillment (Peterson, 2006). This, however, doesn’t mean that in real life you have to choose things exclusively that are either fun or philanthropic; you can choose activities that give you a sense of both. If you cannot engage in an act of kindness that entails gifts of money or goods, then plan a gift of time. Spend as much time as needed with a person you care about, and do something with them or for them on your own.

Research suggests that choosing one day of the week to do three to five acts of kindness will provide more happiness than spreading them over a week (Lyubomirsky, 2007). Some suggestions for these acts of kindness include the following (Kumar & Epley, 2022):
  • Helping a co-worker complete a task above and beyond what is expected
  • Cheering up a co-worker who may be having a bad day
  • Bringing someone a beverage, such as a soda, energy drink, coffee or tea, without them asking
  • E-mailing a thank you note
  • Paying for someone's order at a cafeteria
  • Giving someone a gift card to a favorite store or restaurant
  • Making a special attempt to recognize someone when they might otherwise be overlooked
The more kindness activities one does, the happier one is, and the same is true for performing new acts of kindness, which keeps it from becoming another "checklist" item (Buchanan & Bardi, 2010; Rowland & Curry, 2019). 

The question we ask is this: When we already know that kindness benefits us by making us happier, why don't we all engage in more acts of kindness? Social scientists suggest this may be because we mistakenly believe our acts of kindness are relatively inconsequential and may not affect the recipient. In particular, we underestimate the warmth that is conveyed through our acts, however small they are (Kumar & Epley, 2022). Your simple check-in, "Hi, How's your day going?" will go a long way in making everyone happy, in fact, happier than you may realize.   

To learn more about evidence-based self-management techniques that are proven to work for depression, check out Dr. Duggal's Author Page.

HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA

REFERENCES

Buchanan, K. E., & Bardi, A. (2010). Acts of kindness and acts of novelty affect life satisfaction. Journal of Social Psychology, 150(3), 235-237.

Cregg, D. R. & Cheavens, J. S. (2023). Healing through helping: an experimental investigation of kindness, social activities, and reappraisal as well-being interventions. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 18(16), 924-941.

Curry, O. S., Rowland, L. A., Caspar, J. V. L, Zlotowitz, S., McAlaney, J., & Whitehouse, H. (2018). Happy to help? A systematic review and meta-analysis of the effects of performing act of kindness on the well-being of the actor. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, https://doi.org/10.1016/j/jesp.2018.02.014

Kumar, A & Epley, N. (2022). A little good goes an unexpectedly long way: Underestimating the positive impact of kindness on recipients. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General doi: 10.1037/xge0001271

Lyubomirsky, S. (2007). The how of happiness. New York, NY: Penguin Books.

Paquette, J. (2015). Real Happiness: Proven paths for contentment, peace & well-being. Eau Claire, WI: PESI Publishing & Media.

Peterson, C. (2006). A primer in positive psychology. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Rowland, L. & Curry, O. S. (2019). A range of kindness activities boost happiness. Journal of Social Psychology, 159(3), 340-343.



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