Skip to main content

Finding Meaning in Life by Clarifying Your Values

Too often we come across quotes in social media on the lines, "The older I get, the less I care about..." or the "The older I get, the more I appreciate..." Do we have to really wait for our golden years to find meaning in life? The answer is a resounding no. Since the dawn of time, poets, philosophers, theologists, and scientists have tried to make sense of the concept of meaning in life. As much as meaning in life is viewed as an amorphous psychological concept, there are tangible ways to explore one's meaning in life. Here's where values come into the picture. Value-focused exercises give you an insight into what really matters in your life.  These exercises also make you aware of the discrepancies between what you are pursuing in your life at present and what you really want your life to stand for. This discrepancy generates the drive and motivation to pursue goals that are more in line with your values. Also, these exercises help you reconsider the importance of minor goals in your daily life that you may be taking for granted. Research suggests that goals that are self-concordant, i.e., representing one’s values, lead to the largest degree of enhanced well-being (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999). 

Here are 4 value-focused exercises that will help you be in touch with your core values.

1. “What Do You Want Your Life to Stand For?” (Hayes et al., 2012):

"Take a few deep breaths, relax, and close your eyes. Imagine that through some twist of fate you have died, but you are able to attend your funeral in spirit. You are watching and listening to the eulogies offered by your spouse, children, and friends. Try to be present in the situation emotionally. Now visualize what you would like these people who were part of your life to remember you for. What would you like your spouse to say about you as a partner? What would you like your children to say about you as a parent? What would you like your friends to say about you as a friend? Make a mental note of the things these people say."

2. Tombstone epitaph: Another variant of the above exercise is to imagine that you can write anything on your tombstone that says what you stood for in your life. What would you like your tombstone to say, if it could be absolutely anything? 

3. Finish the sentence: If you more comfortable writing about your experiences and emotions, this exercise may be useful to clarify your values. 

"Imagine that you are eighty years old, and you are looking back on your life. Then finish the following sentences" (Harris, 2008).

  • I spent too much time worrying about…
  • I spent too little time doing things such as…
  • If I could go back in time, then what I would do differently from today onwards is…
4. Ask yourself these questions: Besides the above value-focused exercises, below are some additional questions that you may ask yourself to evaluate your values (Miller & Rollnick, 2013):
  • “What do I care most about in life?”
  • “What matters most to me?
  • “How do I hope my life will be different a few years from now?”
  • “What are the rules I live by?”
  • “If I were to write a mission statement for my life, describing my goals or purpose in life, what would I write?”
  • “If I were to ask my closest friends to tell me what would I live for, what matters most to me, what do I think they would say?”
In terms of psychological growth and well-being, the three essential needs that nurture and promote growth of the human psyche are the needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999). Once you have identified your values, the next step is to create value-based goals that satisfy these three intrinsic psychological needs. And science shows by doing so, you enhance your well-being which then adds to your meaning in life.

To learn more about evidence-based self-management techniques that promote mental health and well-being, check out Dr. Duggal's  Author Page.

HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA

REFERENCES

Harris, R. (2008). The happiness trap. Boston, MA: Trumpeter Books.

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2012). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change. (2nd ed.). New York, NY: The Guildford Press.

Miller, W. R., & Rollnick, S. (2013). Motivational interviewing: Helping people change (3rd ed.). New York, NY: The Guilford Press.

Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being: the self-concordance model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482-497.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

10 Poor Listening Styles to Avoid

When we talk about communication, we mostly focus on speaking, writing, and reading. Listening is seldom emphasized as a primary form of communication, even though listening enables us to satisfy an individual’s deep psychological needs – to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, and to be appreciated (Covey, 2020). We mostly listen not to understand but to prepare response, judge, or interpret information through our own motives and frame of reference. These poor listening styles can be subsumed under these 10 categories (Covey 2014, Harvard Business Review Press, 2019): 1. Spacing out or ignoring is when you zone out because you are too preoccupied with your own thoughts. This does happen to all of us, but you don’t want to be labelled as a spacey person if this keeps happening to you.  2. Pretend or removed listening is where you may be multitasking and give the speaker the impression that you are paying attention using fillers like “yeah,” uh-huh,” “right,” “cool” or thr
Post a Comment
Read more

The Art of Everyday Mindfulness

What is Mindfulness? If your notion of mindfulness is a practice starting with a phrase like, "Take a deep breath and close your eyes," then you have mostly bought into the myth that the only effective way of practicing mindfulness is guided meditation .  However, if you know what mindfulness entails, you can incorporate it in your daily routine in an informal way without relying on popular apps that have commercialized a practice known to humans for thousands of years.  Mindfulness-based interventions are well-validated treatment approaches that not only promote well-being and resilience but also have been found to be effective in anxiety, depression, chronic pain, and substance use disorders (Wielgosz et al., 2019). Mindfulness has two components: (a) orienting one’s attention purposefully to the present moment, and (b) approaching one’s experience in the present moment with curiosity, openness, and acceptance (Bishop et al., 2004). The state of mindfulness is described as
1 comment
Read more

Value-Based Goals: The Antidote for “Success Depression”

A disconnect between your present accomplishments and your core values may make you suffer from success depression  wherein despite “having it all” (e.g., successful career, stable relationships, healthy children, etc.), you still struggle with depression and view your accomplishments as hollow (Zettle, 2007). The cure for this malaise is to clarify your core values and have goals and actions that are driven by these values. Psychotherapist Russ Harris describes values as our heart’s deepest desires for the way we want to interact with the world, other people, and ourselves. They are what we want to stand for in life, how we want to behave, what sort of person we want to be, and what sort of strengths and qualities we want to develop (Harris, 2009). Values are subjective; what one may consider as a value (e.g., being famous) may be considered as being cocky by another person. Moreover, values do change with time. For instance, you may value social popularity and raising a family
Post a Comment
Read more