Positive Self-Talk: How to Create and Practice Self-Affirmations that Work

What are Self-affirmations?

When going through a rough patch, we have all been reminded by our well-wishers to use positive self-statements such as, “I am okay" or “I can do this.” Known as self-affirmations, these statements demonstrate one’s adequacy usually through writing positive statements about one’s core personal values (Cohen & Sherman, 2014). When things don’t happen as planned or when you have setbacks, self-affirmation statements provide you with a tool to defend your positive self-image by bolstering your self-image (Critcher & Dunning, 2015). Self-affirmations work by enhancing your self-integrity – an image of oneself being able to control important adaptive and moral outcomes in one’s life. Self-affirmations broaden your perspective beyond a particular stressful situation by reminding you of your other strengths and resources that are not limited by the situation at hand (Cohen & Sherman, 2014). This in turn helps you put things in perspective, disengage yourself from the stressful situation, and overcome the tendency to become defensive (Critcher & Dunning, 2015). Self-affirmation statements using meditation have also been used as a technique in Meaning-Centered Therapy to facilitate meaning in life (Dezelic, 2014). As with other coping strategies, there is science behind creating and using self-affirmations and sometimes they can be counterproductive. Before we dive more deeply into this, let’s check out some of the commonly used self-affirmations. 

Examples of Self-affirmation Statements

• I am in harmony with life.
• I am strong.
• I fully accept myself as I am.
• I am healthy.
• I feel like a successful individual.
• I currently feel pleased with myself.
• I am safe.
• I am effective in stressful situations.
• I am proud of my achievements.
• I am proud of my friendships.
• I think well of myself.
• I can criticize my own behavior without questioning my self-worth.
• I expect others to like and respect me and if they don’t, that’s okay.
• I am aware of my strengths and respect them.
• I am above comparisons.
• I am in charge of my life.
• I am loved by many people.
• I enjoy challenges.
• I can effectively deal with setbacks.
• I help others lead better lives.
• I consider myself a worthwhile person.
• I am lovable.
• I am confident about my abilities.
• I am on course and moving along.
• I think I can improve.
• I am developing in other ways.

Guidelines on Creating Self-affirmations

Below are some guidelines on creating self-affirmations (Copeland, 2001; Critcher & Dunning, 2015; Wood et al., 2009):

• Use the first person – I, me, or your own name.
• Use the present tense – I am, I have, I can, I feel, etc.
• Use only positive words and avoid negatives. For example, don’t say, “I don’t feel tense” and say instead, “I feel relaxed.”
• The self-affirmations should reflect your personal values – your internalized standards that you use to evaluate yourself. These can be personal attributes (kindness, compassion, integrity, etc.), relationships, achievements, religion, health, education, work, hobbies, state of mind, and your own body.
• The self-affirmations should be short and simple that can be repeated easily.
• The self-affirmations should be credible, i.e., you believe in them. If the self-affirmations are highly discrepant with your self-view, then they may backfire and even exacerbate your conviction for the original position. For example, if a person who believes that they are unlovable repeats, “I am a lovable person,” they may dismiss this statement and inadvertently make their belief that they are unlovable even stronger.
• When choosing a self-affirmation, choose a domain that is different from the one you are facing a threat about. For example, if you are having health issues, then saying, “I am as healthy as I can be,” may not work. A better option would be self-affirmations that elaborate your strengths in other domains such as relationships, personal values, spirituality, work, etc.

Practicing Positive Self-affirmations

Below are some tips on the actual practice of self-affirmation (Copeland, 2001; Schiraldi, 2001):

• You can use the list of self-affirmations mentioned before or create your own using the guidelines.
• Try not to have too many self-affirmations; two to five at a time should work.
• Update your list by removing those that are no longer relevant to you and add those that are relevant to your current life situation.
• Sit in a quiet and comfortable place with no distractions, try to relax yourself, and mentally prepare yourself to expect a pleasant experience.
• Read the first self-affirmation from your list and then close your eyes. Focus on the statement, repeating it three times, and slowly letting it sink through your body. You may even visualize yourself in a situation that supports the self-affirmation.
• You may repeat the self-affirmations out aloud or in your mind and may even write them over and over again while repeating them.
• You can also repeat the self-affirmations when you wake up in the morning and before going to sleep at night.
• For a deeper experience with self-affirmations, you can combine the self-affirmations with meditation and other mindfulness exercises. For example, while repeating your self-affirmations, you can focus on your breathing, feeling the sensation of your belly rising when you inhale and sinking when you exhale.
• Practice self-affirmation during anytime of the day when your mind is not preoccupied with something important, such as waiting in a line in a grocery line, waiting in traffic, doing dishes, etc.
• Write the self-affirmations on an index card and make copies of it. Keep a copy at your bedside for use when you wake up and before you go to sleep and another copy in your wallet or purse for use when you have time on your hands.

Other Types of Positive Self-statements

There are a couple of other variations on how you can practice positive self-statements as described below (Schiraldi, 2001):

1. Even though … nevertheless statements: The format for these statements is:

Even though _______________ (stressful situation or threat or negative self-attribute), nevertheless _________________________ (compassionate and self-affirmative statement). For example, “Even though I didn’t perform well today, nevertheless I am a worthy person.”


2. It’s true … and statements: The format for these statements is:

It’s true ____________________ (stressful situation or threat or negative self-attribute), and _________________________ (compassionate and self-affirmative statement). For example, “It’s true that I that I am overweight, and I love myself.”

Use these statements when you encounter a situation or a thought that erodes your self-esteem.

There are some caveats to the use of self-affirmations. Research shows that self-affirmations have the greatest impact, especially in changing behaviors in the health domain, if these three conditions are met (Ferrer & Cohen, 2019):

1.  A threat to self-adequacy or self-integrity that impedes behavior change and is acute.
2.  Presence of resources to support the behavior change so that one can translate motivation and intention into sustained action. Resources may include skills that facilitate reaching the goals, social support, and professional guidance. 
3. The self-affirmation is practiced in temporal proximity to the threat or when resources for change are available but not after the threat has resolved or the opportunity to access resources has passed. More often than not, if too much time lapses between the threat and the self-affirmation, an individual is likely to defensively reject the threat with the "It doesn't matter any more" rationalization.

In conclusion, self-affirmations are simple and proven ways for self-management of stressful situations if used under optimal conditions and in a timely way.

To learn more about evidence-based self-management techniques that promote mental health and well-being, check out Dr. Duggal's Author Page.

HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA

REFERENCES

Cohen, G. L., & Sherman, D. K. (2014). The psychology of change: self-affirmation and social psychological intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 65, 333-371.

Copeland, M. E. (2001). The depression workbook (2nd ed.). Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Critcher, C. R. & Dunning, D (2015). Self-affirmations provide a broader perspective on self-threat. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 41(1), 3-18.

Dezelic, M. S. (2014). Meaning-centered therapy workbook. San Rafael, CA: Dezelic & Associates, Inc.

Ferrer, R. A. & Cohen, G. L. (2019). Reconceptualizing self-affirmation with the trigger and channel framework: Lessons from the health domain. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 23(3), 285-304.  

Schiraldi, G. R. (2001). The self-esteem workbook. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Wood, J. V., Perunovic, W. Q., & Lee, J. W. (2009). Positive self-statements: power for some, peril for others. Psychological Science, 20(7), 860-866.