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Eight Ways to Master the Art of Small Talk



There are some social rituals that we cannot avoid, especially when interacting with people we don’t know, and nothing is more universally disliked than the ritual of small talk. Small talk is a fine art that balances the use of some better questions to open the conversation and then navigate the talk without lingering on obligatory foundational topics about how one’s weekend was or discussing the weather. If you find yourself avoiding social interactions because you're uncomfortable and embarrassed about small talk, here are eight ways to improve at it and avoid making it awkward or superficial (Duhigg, 2024; Haupt, 2023; Lee, 2025).

1. Ask better questions. To facilitate conversation, avoid conversational dead-end questions that can be responded to in a single word, such as "How was your weekend?" or "How are you?" Also, avoid fact-based questions like "Where do you live?" Instead, ask questions that invite people to elaborate on their experiences:
  • "What was the highlight of your weekend?"  
  • "What's been the favorite part of ... (event, work, travel, etc) so far?" 
  • "What are you excited to be working on?"

2. Improve your replies. Autopilot questions like "How was your weekend?" tend to get responded to with autopilot replies, "Great, thanks, how was yours?" To make the conversation flow, create conversation threads that the other person can pull on by adding their experience. In the above scenario, a response such as, "It was great. I played tennis with my son" offers the listener a couple of conversation threads they can tug on to move the conversation. They can ask you about tennis or your son. 

3. Ask better follow-up questions. Once the conversation has started, actively listen to identify any threads the speaker offers that you can pull on. For example, if they state that they live in a particular city or do a certain kind of job, ask deeper questions about values, feelings, opinions, or experiences. Some questions that facilitate a more meaningful conversation include:
  • "How do you feel about...?"
  • "How would you feel if ... happened to you?"
  • "What's the best part of your ...?"
  • "What do you think about...?"
  • "Why do you think ...?"
  • "If you could learn anything from..., what would it be?"
  • "What advice would you give to a ...?"
  • "Did it make you happy when ...?"
  • "What keeps you busy outside of ...?" (work or school)

4. Take cues from your surroundings. If you are struggling to come up with conversation topics, then discuss topics that you and the other person are sharing at that moment. Some questions to help with this include:
  • "How do you know ...(common friend or acquaintance)?" 
  • "How did you get involved in ...?" (event, activity, hobby)
  • "What keeps you interested in ...?"
  • "What do you like about ...?"

5. Move beyond the foundational topics. Once you have moved beyond the usual conversation starter topics and are comfortable with where the small talk is going, move to deeper topics. This may begin with self-disclosure to test the waters if the other person wants to get to a level that may make them feel more vulnerable. These are conversations around one's feelings and judgments about family, work, hobbies, and the past. If you already know someone, open-ended inquiries like "bring me up to speed" or "catch me up on" will facilitate the conversation. 

6. Choose your compliments wisely. Avoid complimenting one's looks, as that can cross the line and make others uncomfortable. If you are curious about somebody's outfit, jewelry, bag, or tattoo, statements like "Oh, I love your..." can be a good icebreaker. 

7. Skip controversial topics. Avoid controversial topics like religion and politics. Sometimes asking about marriage and kids can also make things uncomfortable for an individual, and it is best to wait for cues from the other person to see if they are open to discussing these topics. 

8. Know how to end the conversation gracefully. Pay attention to verbal and non-verbal cues that your conversation is getting dragged on for too long. If you are the host, introduce the person to another individual with a statement about some common attributes they share and exit using a statement like, "I will let you two get to know each other." In other circumstances, say, "It was nice meeting you, and I enjoyed hearing about..." 

Visit Dr. Duggal’s Author Page to explore effective self-management strategies for enhancing mental health and well-being.

HARPREET S. DUGGAL, MD, FAPA

REFERENCES

Duhigg, C. (2024). Supercommunicators: How to unlock the secret language of connection. Random House.

Haupt, H (2023). 7 ways to get better at small talk - and why you should. Time. https://time.com/6280607/small-talk-tips-benefits/

Lee, L. K. (2025). To avoid 'awkward, superficial' small talk, make one little change, say communication expert. https://www.cnbc.com/2025/02/17/avoid-awkward-superficial-small-talk-make-one-little-change-communication-expert.html






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