Self-Management of Depression

There are some social rituals that we cannot avoid, especially when interacting with people we don’t know, and nothing is more universally disliked than the ritual of small talk. Small talk is a fine art that balances the use of some better questions to open the conversation and then navigate the talk without lingering on obligatory foundational topics about how one’s weekend was or discussing the weather. If you find yourself avoiding social interactions because you're uncomfortable and embarrassed about small talk, here are eight ways to improve at it and avoid making it awkward or superficial (Duhigg, 2024; Haupt, 2023; Lee, 2025). 1. Ask better questions. To facilitate conversation, avoid conversational dead-end questions that can be responded to in a single word, such as "How was your weekend?" or "How are you?" Also, avoid fact-based questions like "Where do you live?" Instead, ask questions that invite people to elaborate on their experience...

Urge surfing is a mindfulness-based technique to help individuals manage and overcome cravings and impulses. Developed by clinical psychologist Alan Marlatt, urge surfing involves observing and riding out the waves of urges without giving in to them (Marlatt et al., 2004). This technique is particularly useful for individuals dealing with substance abuse, overeating, or other compulsive behaviors (Bowen & Marlatt, 2009). Urge surfing is also a popular emotion regulation skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) (Linehan, 2015). Emotions prompt behaviors (e.g., fight in anger, flight in fear) and prepare the body for action. Urges are the precursor for action and urge surfing curbs emotions from triggering maladaptive actions. Urge surfing is based on the premise that cravings and urges are like waves in the ocean. They rise in intensity, reach a peak, and then gradually subside. By visualizing urges as waves, individuals can learn to "surf" rather than being overwhelmed...

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one of the most proven psychotherapies for depression and anxiety. It involves identifying, challenging, and replacing irrational thought patterns, also called cognitive distortions, with rational thoughts. However, not everyone is successful in doing so. A key reason for this is when one harbors deeper irrational thoughts, called core beliefs, which are harder to change as they sit at a subconscious level.   While identifying your superficial irrational negative thoughts, also called automatic thoughts, as a part of CBT, you may realize that some of these thoughts can be lumped under common themes. These underlying thinking patterns are called core beliefs or schemas. Whereas automatic thoughts are at the surface of your awareness and more straightforward to recognize, core beliefs are not that readily accessed or easily articulated. Core beliefs or schemas represent a set of attitudes, assumptions, conceptions, preferences, goals, and va...

Imagine you are invited to a friend’s house, and upon entering, you see a group of people laughing out loud. You can react to this situation in a couple of ways. You might think something is wrong with your appearance, making you feel that people are laughing at you. Alternatively, you might interpret their laughter as a sign that they are having a good time and you feel ready to join in the fun. This situation can evoke two responses: one makes you feel embarrassed, while the other makes you happy. So, what causes people to experience various emotions in the same situation? It’s all about how you interpret the scenario. Your beliefs influence your interpretation, which is the “B” in the “ABC” framework we will explore next. Albert Ellis (1962), the founder of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), introduced the “ABC” framework as a cognitive model for depression. “A” represents an activating event to which an individual responds. This can include current or past events, thoughts, ...

What is loneliness? Loneliness is a fundamental aspect of life; at some point, everyone will experience it to varying degrees. Even though it is recognized as a public health concern (Office of the Surgeon General, 2023), there is still a need for more discussion about what the experience of loneliness entails and how to recognize it in oneself or others. For starters, loneliness is the distressing feeling you experience when there is a discrepancy between the interpersonal relationships you wish to have and those you currently have (Peplau & Perlman, 1982). It is not the number or frequency of social contacts but your subjective appraisal of the quality of relationships and the satisfaction with the relationships that influences loneliness (Heinrich & Gullone, 2006). Moreover, loneliness is not synonymous with social isolation, nor is it an inevitable consequence of being alone. You can be in the company of others and still experience loneliness, whereas you may not feel...

Though sounding simple, learning to accept and change are powerful strategies that keep relationships intact. “Accepting” your partner means that you are tolerating your partner’s unpleasant or offensive behavior while at the same time trying to understand the deeper meaning of that behavior and putting it in the larger context of your relationship with your partner (Christensen et al., 2014). For example, an individual may become more accepting of their partner’s introverted nature or tendency to criticize. Do not confuse acceptance with submission. Submission is enduring offensive behavior from a position of weakness as one has no alternative. In contrast, acceptance is tolerating offensive behavior from a position of strength as you choose to do so while seeing the offensive behavior in the larger context of your relationship with your partner. Acceptance also doesn’t mean one cannot assertively differ from one's partner, resist one's aversive behavior, or try to limit it....