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Positive Self-Talk: How to Create and Practice Self-Affirmations that Work

What are Self-affirmations? When going through a rough patch, we have all been reminded by our well-wishers to use positive self-statements such as, “I am okay" or “I can do this.” Known as self-affirmations, these statements demonstrate one’s adequacy usually through writing positive statements about one’s core personal values (Cohen & Sherman, 2014). When things don’t happen as planned or when you have setbacks, self-affirmation statements provide you with a tool to defend your positive self-image by bolstering your self-image (Critcher & Dunning, 2015). Self-affirmations work by enhancing your self-integrity – an image of oneself being able to control important adaptive and moral outcomes in one’s life. Self-affirmations broaden your perspective beyond a particular stressful situation by reminding you of your other strengths and resources that are not limited by the situation at hand (Cohen & Sherman, 2014). This in turn helps you put things in perspective, disengag...

What Kind of Problem Solver are You?

Problem-solving is a popular modality of psychotherapy and also conceptualized as a brief skills-oriented training program. A problem is a real or perceived imbalance or discrepancy between the demands of a situation and one’s coping ability and reactions (Nezu et al., 1989). Problem-solving skills are not personality traits but social skills that can be learned. Successful problem-solving involves not only having the right kind of orientation but also the adaptive kind of style (Nezu, et al., (2013). Problem-Solving Orientation Problem-solving orientation is an individual’s beliefs, attitudes, and emotional reactions about problems and one’s ability cope with these problems. Research has shown that there are two types of problem-solving orientation – positive and negative. 1. Positive problem-solving orientation View a problem as a challenge rather than a threat Be realistically optimistic in believing that problems are solvable Have the self-confidence in one’s ability to cope with p...

10 Poor Listening Styles to Avoid

When we talk about communication, we mostly focus on speaking, writing, and reading. Listening is seldom emphasized as a primary form of communication, even though listening enables us to satisfy an individual’s deep psychological needs – to be understood, to be affirmed, to be validated, and to be appreciated (Covey, 2020). We mostly listen not to understand but to prepare response, judge, or interpret information through our own motives and frame of reference. These poor listening styles can be subsumed under these 10 categories (Covey 2014, Harvard Business Review Press, 2019): 1. Spacing out or ignoring is when you zone out because you are too preoccupied with your own thoughts. This does happen to all of us, but you don’t want to be labelled as a spacey person if this keeps happening to you.  2. Pretend or removed listening is where you may be multitasking and give the speaker the impression that you are paying attention using fillers like “yeah,” uh-huh,” “right,” “cool” or...

Posttraumatic Growth: Myths & Facts about "Bouncing Forward" after Adversity

When faced with trauma, mental health influencers often "therapy speak" people into becoming more resilient and growing from such a challenge. This narrative, however, makes people internalize such messages into believing that adversity should always lead to growth or that trauma is a requisite for growth. In psychological lexicon, this positive outcome or "bouncing forward," following an adversity is called posttraumatic growth or an overlapping concept, benefit-finding and growth (Lechner et al., 2009. While benefit-finding and growth captures more of the lifestyle, behavior, and perceptual changes, posttraumatic growth tends to refer to the transformative changes occurring at a cognitive level, i.e., how one becomes wiser (Lechner et al., 2009). People who experience posttraumatic growth describe it in one or more of the following ways (Hefferon et al., 2009): Reappraisal of one’s life and restructuring of previous priorities Revaluation and changing of life go...

Head, Heart and Beyond: The 3 Kinds of Empathy

Although empathy has increasingly become a buzzword in the modern wellness and leadership lexicon, it is more than just a fad. Empathy is the ability or capacity to identify or vicariously experience the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of others. Phrases such as “walking in another person’s shoes” or “seeing the world through the eyes of another person” epitomize the concept of empathy. Being able to pick up emotional non-verbal cues such as tone of voice or facial expression is at the heart of empathy. In addition to reading another’s emotions, at higher levels, empathy also entails sensing and responding to a person’s unspoken concerns or feelings and also understanding the issues or concerns that lie behind those feelings (Goleman, 1998). Empathic people – are attentive to emotional cues and listen well. show sensitivity and understand others’ perspective. help others based on understanding others’ needs and feelings. Empathy is not a single, discrete emotion, but a constellation o...

Your Happiness Depends on These 3 Things

From Greeks and Romans to the preamble to the American Declaration of Independence, the pursuit of happiness has been a sine qua non of the good life . One of the biggest puzzles for philosophers through the ages and modern-day psychologists is to define the factors that influence happiness. Research has suggested three such variables (Lyubomirsky et al., 2005; Ryan & Deci, 2001). 1. Happiness set point: Studies have revealed that around 50% of the variation in the happiness levels between individuals can be accounted for by genes. This happiness level is assumed to be stable over time and people tend to return to their set point after being exposed to a positive or a negative event. However, this doesn’t mean that individuals with a low baseline set point cannot increase happiness. Researchers have now discovered that most individuals return to a positive emotional baseline rather than a neutral emotional baseline following an emotionally significant event. Moreover, this so-call...

What is Burnout and How Does it Differ from Depression?

Burnout has become a common word in our modern lexicon with people using this term in a broad sense to describe their general experience of stress at work. Although not classified as a medical condition with diagnostic criteria like other mental health conditions, burnout does have a specific definition based on extensive research. The World Health Organization (WHO) describes burnout as an “occupational phenomenon” resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. Burnout is beyond feeling bummed out or having a bad day at work and doesn’t happen overnight. It slowly creeps up on us, albeit with some warning signs. Burnout most commonly results when there is an imbalance between demands and resources at work or conflict between personal and organizational values. In particular, burnout is conceptualized as the final stage of breakdown in one’s ability to adapt to the demand/resource mismatch or values conflict. Symptoms of burnout represent not only the p...

5 Way to Evoke and Enhance Savoring

Psychologists define savoring as the ability to tune into, appreciate, and enhance enjoyment associated with a positive experience (Bryant & Veroff, 2007). Though you can savor the past as in positive reminiscing or the future (anticipatory savoring), in its most widely used clinical application, savoring refers to intensifying and prolonging the enjoyment of positive events as and when they happen. A savoring experience consists of your sensations, perceptions, thoughts, behaviors, and feelings when you mindfully attend to and appreciate something positive (Bryant et al., 2011). Common examples of savoring include eating a gourmet meal, listening to a musical performance, soaking in warm bath, receiving a compliment, spending time with a good friend, enjoying outdoors, or winning an honor or reward. Besides positive things happening around you, you can also savor internal thoughts or feelings (e.g., that you are blessed with good health). However, just because you experience a po...

9 Attributes of Self-Compassion

Self-compassion is compassion turned inwards, i.e., how you relate to yourself in instances of perceived failure, inadequacy, or personal suffering. Self-compassion involves being touched by and open to your own suffering, not avoiding or disconnecting from it, generating the desire to alleviate your suffering, and to heal yourself with kindness (Neff, 2003). While much has been written in the popular media about strategies, including some well-known meditation exercises such as the loving kindness meditation , to enhance self-compassion, the attributes that foster self-compassion haven't received much attention. Self-compassion is not a one-size-fits-all intervention that will work for everyone which is why knowledge of these attributes will help you decide if this can be an effective strategy for you. Paul Gilbert and colleagues, leading researchers in the field of self-compassion, have identified the following attributes as being quintessential to experiencing self-compassion (G...

The Art and Science of Reminiscing

What is Reminiscence? According to the Oxford Dictionary, to reminiscence is to “indulge in the enjoyable recollection of past events.” Interestingly, embedded in the definition of reminiscence is the positive emotion of joy. Reminiscing is more than just flipping through an old photograph album; it also involves reflection and reconstructing your memories. It is a process of discovering and re-discovering who you are today by making linkages between disparate aspects of your life, your families, and your communities (Gibson, 2011). You can reminiscence in various forms – mental image, speech, writing, poetry, drawing, painting, drama, mime, music, dance, or some other medium of communication. Literature on reminiscence identifies two types of positive reminiscence that lead to well-being and decrease in depressive symptoms (Watt & Cappeliez, 2000; Wong & Watt, 1991): 1. Integrative reminiscence: This involves accepting one’s past as worthwhile, reconciling the discrepancy...

Physical Activity and Exercise for Prevention and Treatment of Depression

Although we have all heard the medical profession touting the health benefits of physical activity and exercise, most of us don’t engage in this inexpensive health promoting behavior on a regular basis. In addition to preventing chronic medical conditions, growing evidence demonstrates that physical activity and exercise improve mental well-being and have a buffering effect on depression. A review of literature showed that higher levels of baseline physical activity was associated with decreased risk of developing depression in the future (Mammen & Faulkner, 2013). Even low levels of physical activity such as walking less than 150 minutes per week can prevent future depression. Another study demonstrated that individuals who engaged in physical activity for more than 30 minutes a day had a 48% lower risk of being depressed at follow-up compared to individuals who didn’t engage in physical activity (van Gool et al., 2006). Interestingly, the same study also showed that each minute o...

5 Steps to Mindful Acceptance

The word "acceptance" has been thrown around as a coping style, especially for situations one cannot control. However, what needs to be clarified is that acceptance comes in all sizes and shapes, ranging from radical acceptance to practical acceptance. This is where mindful acceptance , as propounded in the evidence-based  Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) , offers a more structured way of putting acceptance into practice. Mindful acceptance is a self-management style that helps you accept your thoughts and emotions at face value without doing one of these six things that your idle mind is programmed to do during downtime: Dwelling on your thoughts or emotions Analyzing or overanalyzing your thoughts and emotions Judging yourself or others Avoiding situations that remind you of specific thoughts and emotions Suppressing your unhelpful thoughts and emotions by forcefully trying to push them out Trying to get rid of negative thoughts and emotions by distraction or other i...